Realization

Loktak was awakened by the loud voice of his father. He heard the sound of the television and realized it was pretty loud and wanted to get up and reduce the volume but he could not get up, and try as he might, he could not even get his eyes to open.

Then he heard, more than felt, his dad coming near him and holding him. He heard him exclaim loudly and it was a sound of extreme distress. He heard his dad call the Para-medics. He wanted to get up and tell his dad that he was ok and that everything was all right.

But, the events of the evening flashed in his mind. He recalled how he had taken the poison and how after consuming his fatal drink, he had felt drowsy and finally succumbed to sleep. He didn’t feel dead, but then he did not know how it felt to be dead. It did not take him long to realize that the people were taking him to be dead. He felt his body being carried away and he wanted to get up and scream, and tell everyone that he was okay, that nothing was the matter with him.

He felt himself being put on a make shift stretcher and could hear some people trying to pump life into him.

“ It’s sad that such a young man would die like this,” said a voice.

“Yes, what’s wrong with the kids these days.” another voice, a female this time.

“Only if we had been here a few minutes earlier, we could have done something.” the first voice again.

So, the poison had done its job and he was dead, Loktak thought. What next, he wondered?

Loktak felt sorry for his dad and didn’t want to hear him cry, so he was glad when he was lifted off and taken into the ambulance.

“We are talking the body to the Hospital for an autopsy. You can come in the morning.” the female voice said, directed at his father.

“We would love to be able to spend some time with him in the hospital, if possible, and could you please hold off the autopsy till the morning.” It was his dad, “His mother is on his way and it would be best if she could have one last look at her before he is cut up.”

“I don’t know if we can hold it off till the morning, but we will wait as long as we can, and you can come visit him in the hospital. Tomorrow you can take the body back,” the female voice again.

So, now he had ceased to be a person, a human; but was merely a body. Loktak had seen a doctor conduct a post mortem before and he had not liked the sight and now he knew his body was destined for a similar fate. But he couldn’t care less. Though he could hear things, he could not feel anything. It was as if his being was trapped inside someone else’s body. A being that could hear but not speak or feel or do anything but passively observe.

He lost all track of time and space. It was like he was sitting inside a box, aware that things were happening to him, but things that he had no control over. He was in the hospital soon, and there he was laid among the other dead bodies. Earlier he would have been very scared to be in that room, but now he had nothing to be scared of. They were all like him in there. How wrong he was.

Loktak did not know how much time had passed but after some time he heard the door open and his mother and brother walked into the room, He could hear them crying, his brother in sobs that he was trying to hide and his mother was letting the tears drop freely. For the first time he felt guilty and sorry for what he had done. He had been selfish; he had not realized that his life was not his to take, for life and death were best left in the hands of the almighty. His future was not just his but something that his parents had looked forward to. He recalled every little thing that his parents had done for him and he felt that he had been thankless in paying them like that. He wanted, with all his heart to open out his arms and embrace his mother and brother, but it was too late. The deed had been done, the curtain had fallen and all he could now do was listen helplessly to the sorrow he had caused his family.

The doctors had agreed to the parent’s request to not conduct an autopsy as it was agreed to by all parties concerned that Loktak had committed suicide. So the next morning his body was to be taken to the funeral site where the last rites would be performed.

The next morning he could only hear that a large crowd had gathered and every now and then, he could hear a familiar voice. Most people were commenting on how sad it was that Loktak had decided to do such a thing. Some said how young he was. Some said they knew he would do something like this; it was but a matter of time, as per them.

To cut a long story short, the talk was the general talk that takes place under such situations. In fact, some of it amused Loktak. He thought how scared everyone would be, if he could somehow manage to get up and tell them he was alive. He knew he would try to pull a prank of some kind on them, if he got his chance. But, no such luck was in store for him. He was laid on the pyre and the pyre was duly lit accompanied by the chanting of religious hymns. Loktak tried to pay attention but he never had understood what they said, and now was no different. As the fire grew and enveloped Loktak, he could hear the crackle of the burning wood around him, and as the fire begin to burn his body he began to have a strange sensation. It is not possible to describe the sensation in words because it was something out of this world. It was for the first time, since he had died, that he felt anything, he began to enjoy the feeling but then he was scared.

A thought suddenly struck him. What if he was brought to life again and by that time his body would be burnt and then he would have to live with a burnt body for the rest of his life. This thought was very scary and he tried his best to move and get out of the fire before it did any real damage to his body. But all his efforts, like the ones before, were in vain. He was as dead as dead can be.

Soon his body began to burn and surprisingly as it burnt he could see light of some kind. The light grew brighter as more of his body got burnt. Soon most of his body was gone. He felt as if he could leave but something was holding him back. Then he realized that the head was not yet burnt enough.

“ So this is where and what life really is”, he thought to himself. Strangely enough, he felt no connection or longing for the body that he was about to leave.

Soon, there was a “plop” sound and something gave away and Loktak was able to jump out of the fire.

“So this is what happens to a person, when he dies.” He thought to himself. Loktak had believed in ghosts and most of his friends had made fun of him for that. He felt vindicated now and thought that if he could haunt them, he would.

He looked around and saw the gloomy faces of his friends and relatives and remorse stuck him once again. He felt sorry for what he had done once again. Most of all he was sorry for his parents, who had so many expectations of him. He wished for a chance to talk to them just once more.

Soon all the religious rites were performed. People began to look at their watches and one by one began to leave till only the very close friends and relatives remained. Loktak’s mother and father did not want to leave but were convinced to get to home. Loktak, with nothing to do, decided to see if there were others like him from the other pyres. He waited till another body was brought for cremation and expectantly waited for his soul to show up. For he believed that he was a soul now and he thought he now knew the answer to the question that every human mind wanted to know: What happened to a human after death?

He wished he had a way to tell about it to people. His death, then, would not have been in vain.